You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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