Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
