i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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