Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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