So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
