i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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