worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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