i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
