haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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