Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
