this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
