I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
