I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
