youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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