quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
