I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
