Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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