hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
