One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
