Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
