New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
