I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
