He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
