I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
