Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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