I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
