i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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