i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
