Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
