I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
