make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
