This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
