Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
how drunk are you?
Several
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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