Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
