Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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