the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont even know how to be here
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
