Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
