cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
