Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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