Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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