I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
