so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
