ya dads aren't the best wingmen
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
