Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
