thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
