How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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