Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
