Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
