I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
