i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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