this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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