I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
