I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
