if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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