My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
